A Real Marriage.

A few weeks ago I ran across a video series by a pastor in Seattle titled Real Marriage.

I had time and thought why not listen. The title of the first message was "New Marriage, Same Spouse," which really caught my attention. As I listened I was pleasantly surprised by the straight forward talk, honesty, confession, and practical help. Not to mention the biblical based priciples.

The Pastor and his wife take time to share their own mistakes what they have learned and discovered the hard way. I was so encouraged I thought well I can not wait to listen to the next week. My husband and I made a date of it. We cuddled on the couch to hear the second message titled "Friend With Benefits." Again, pleasantly surprised. It was like this message was speaking our language.

Lionel and I married so young, VERY young. One thing we have said all these 23 years is that we are best friends and truly we are. And I have told my friends and kids over and over, many days I do not feel like being a wife, but I ALWAYS feel like being with my best friend. And as we watched the video I found such encouragement by the same message in their marriage. They had struggled to be friends but found their way to friendship thus strengthening their marriage.

Marriage IS friendship! I will share further on that but for now...watch the series.

I am reading the book too! Wonderful insight. More on that to come as well.I am so grateful for sermons and helps with the most basics of necessities in our life that inspire us to victory and that are so contrary to our culture.

God's first words concerning marriage..."It is not good for man to be alone."

I will leave you with this thought.

Blessings!

Note to self...

I just read a book review of this same title and it so stirred me that I deiced to borrow its theme.

As I write I am often so stirred to share what God has been teaching me or some intense story or impression of the heart I forget that I mainly am writing for myself. Really. So here goes.

Dear Self,

You are about to embark on a new season. Picking up a desire you thought you had long left in the past.

Dusting off the ideas and habits and skills of studious learning. Picking up sharpened pencils and fresh notebooks you set forth to walk the halls again of academia. Yet what are your new desires mixed with these revived ones?

To learn? No. That has been an ever present process of daily life. You love to learn and do that purposefully. To learn alone is not enough to set side time and money and thought and creativity.

To achieve? Possibly. Accomplishment is in and of itself so satisfying. And yet there is not an underlying sense of underachievement accelerating this journey.

What is driving this new endeavor? What has after 18 years, raising four children, finding success in the business world, knowing purpose through ministry, what brings this to the front and foremost of priority now?

Obedience. To walk worthy of the calling for which God has prepared for you. Simply doing the next thing He has for you. This is what drives, presses, this is the foremost desire to please and serve Jesus.

Self, you do not know what tomorrow will hold but you do have the hope and faith to follow after Him. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone, thing, the world namely, only represent God in the best way you know how, a life fully surrendered to Him living out His plans for you.

People are more important then papers. A's do not make you smart. And teachers do not rule the world God does.

So enjoy this. It will pass quickly. Take it all in every morsel and do not allow it to swallow you whole.

Blessings. K

Be at peace.

Enjoy this.

DO not let the tasks at hand consume you rather, be consumed by Him and trust Him to work out through you the tasks before you.

Visions of Jesus: My Story and Ephesians

Here is a part of my teaching from Ephesians chapter 2.

V4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,

But God. I love that. Because He loves you so much, His entire motive is love. In my heart this is the theme God has revealed possibly for my life. BUT GOD….Because of His love for which He loved me.

The amplified says because of His great and intense love that God has for you.

The message says: in order that He could satisfy His great and intense love…

Can you just think on that for a minute with me. It is satisfying to God to love on us with such a lavish gift of Jesus. We think about the cross and the sacrifice and the great extent to which the Father gave up His only son, but do we dream about that it brought great satisfaction to His heart because of His great need to pour out His love on us? Do you feel the warm anointing oil of the Spirit just pouring those truths over you?

V5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) While you were filthy and unredeemed not marked by Christ, in darkness, the message says He embraced you! Scooped you up into the loving arms of Jesus. He brought you from death to life in Christ Jesus! From death to life. You are made ALIVE? Do you believe that? DO you feel alive?

I love the visual there, being scooped up, embraced by the Father. God stirred on my heart a few times this week about my visions of Him. About our visions of Him. If you have not had a vision of Jesus I encourage you to ask Him for one. As I shared with Lionel and then a friend this week, I was seeing how the changes of my vision of Him paralleled my path of healing. At first I only ever saw the cross and it stirred and even broke my heart, but my heart was broken. Then I would always see myself as a pile under the cross and Him still on it. And I always thought that is fitting, I am a wounded pile on the floor in my heart. But as I walked through healing He gave me a new vision of Him bending town to kiss the top of my head grabbing my face sweetly like a Father to a little child, Showing me His great fathers love and this brought break through! Much healing as I did not know the loving touch of an earthly father. Then He gave me a vision of Him standing proud hands on His hips, smirking at me and laughing delighted at the time we were having together, and then He gave me a vision of Himself sitting on a throne, and He is even bigger than the throne and He’s leaning over looking at me expectantly, listening to me, leaning in to me. My really big God that can handle all that is in my heart He listens to me and He speaks back. My experience with Him was never meant to stay on the cross, you know because He did not stay at the cross, that is where I met Him, but I am being transformed into the likeness of His resurrection to walk in newness of life.

V6-7 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Don’t stay at the cross, raised to walk in newness of life, Jesus didn’t stay on the cross and He didn’t stay in the grave, be raised up with Him that is the transformed life, that is a life redeemed, renewed, restored,

rescued now He seats you at a place of Honor in heaven with Jesus. Can you just imagine that for a second, the arms of the Loving Father pulling you up into a warm loving embrace like a mother of father scooping up a child and sitting them next to Jesus, next to your loving care taker, life giver, brother, friend.

(7) this He did to show the unlimit-less measure of His free grace (amplified)

Listen to the full message here.

A peace of my heart: My story and Ephesians.

As the Lord began walking me through the process of healing He had me camp out in Ephesians for a long season and began to stir my heart for the truths in this book to become active and alive in my life. Since that time, He has asked me to share this, in discipleship, at a retreat, and now to the women of my church. Which has been such a blessing to me and I have to say stirred even more healing in me. I am grateful for the opportunities He has given me and honored that He would use me like this. So I am sharing here as well. Below is a small section of this first session with the link if you are stirred to listen. I will be posting them all here.

Ephesians 1:18 the eyes of our understanding being enlightened…that you may know the HOPE, HIS CALLING, YOUR IDENTITY. (paraphrased by me.)

A few months ago my husband was meeting with a very highly regarded Christian man in our community. And the truth was this man’s heart has grown somewhat calloused with the lies of the enemy. SO in the process of God speaking through my husband, Lionel began to share some of my story. How I was abandoned by my real father, how my mother had six husbands and went from one abusive relationship to an even worse one, how I was sexually abused at a young age and how I lived very much of my adolescent years over exposed to sexuality, drug abuse, and alcoholic lifestyles.

But Lionel was telling this man of the powerful work of healing God has been doing in my life over the past 12+ years. And how God has radically changed me. And this man made a very profound statement and asked one of the best questions I have ever heard.

He said most Christians run from that kind of healing. I want to let that seep in a little, most Christians run from that kind of healing. You know he is right, healing is hard and even painful work.

And then He asked, why didn’t Kristen? Good question. Why didn’t I run from it, stay shut down, closed off, defeated. Why?

My precious husband gave the best answer I have ever heard, as he had observed this process in me over the years. He said it was the pursuit of God that kept her pressing in for more healing, not the pursuit of healing itself. He shared that each time God would walk me through a layer of healing, God would reveal a little more about Himself in the process and I became desperate to know Him more and more, and in turn He helped me trust Him to work through the painful things that would allow my heart to heal.

CS Lewis wrote: Your real new self will not come as you are looking for it, it will come when you are looking for Him. By His love we escape from ourselves into Him, and then into one another!

We have an assignment, to actively pursuit God.

AW Tozer The Pursuit of God: TO have found God and still to pursuit Him is the soul’s paradox of love.

I believe who we are and how we live, react, respond, walk, thrive, or fail, is directly related to what and who we perceive God to be and what and how we believe about His words. We do not live by what we know, we live by what we believe. Yes there is a difference. We live by what is in our heart.

The Psalmist said it, guard the heart with all diligence for out of flow the issues of life, not out of our minds and thoughts, out of our hearts.

Romans 10:9-10 explains that it is the heart that believes unto salvation

TOZER: In speaking thus I have one fear, that I might convince the mind before God has won the heart.

No matter who you are, what your going through, how you’ve sinned, who has hurt you, what your financial circumstance, what your past, present, or future is, the active radical pursuit of HIM, God, to know Him alone, will dramatically change it all.

Here the full story and insite from the book of Ephesians here.

Hearing from God. Does He provide?

I am writing this quick post as thoughts keep rushing through my brain on a particular topic of making wise decisions with the Lord and specifically concerning His provision.

We live in a community of believers where there are SO many amazing opportunities to do things with the Lord and with the body of Christ. Many. Many. And so many of these are spendy.

So are all of them of the Lord? Sure.

Does God want me to do all of them? Absolutely not.

I've been hearing from a lot of young people lately, oh just do this or just do that, God will provide. Hmm, really? It certainly would feel good to me or my young adult children to get to do every single thing that is in front if us, it would feel great actually. But I am reminded of an old and wise saying "many things are good, but what is Gods best for me?"

My heart was struggling with this, SO I asked the Lord because I wanted to give my own kids wise words from the Lord. And He said to me simply this, every thing I speak to them to do I will provide for, everything they go outside of my plan for them and do on their own will be bondage to them. And then He said this, they can learn these lessons the hard way, or they can learn to hear from me now in all things and avoid a lot of heart ache. Lead them to hear from Me.

Wow. Ok Lord.

He will tell them. Not others. Not even me. And He is teaching them to hear His voice. Amazing. And He has plans for them that sometimes means they miss out on one amazing thing because God is doing other amazing things in their life.

Peace in my heart. It is a yes to God in our heart. Not a blanket yes to every cool thing that comes our way. Some times saying yes to following God means He says NO to some adventures that seem awesome to us. It's because He always has a plan. And if its a true desire of your heart He is saying NO to right now, it will be a matter of trusting Him for that in the future.

CAUTION!!! Do not put your self in the place of the Holy Spirit convincing someone they should do something that God has not spoke to them about. We can not speak for God to lead another only encourage them to seek Him and pray for them to hear.

Also for young people, learn His voice. Listen, take time to pray, learn to make wise decisions with Him, on your own.

Our Pastor Rob Verdeyen shared in his message concerning the apostle Paul's missionary journeys, that Paul had good plans for trips to reach the gentiles, yet they were not God's plans and God worked differently then Paul expected or even desired but every time it was way better(I am summarizing). It's SO good to surrender our own plans. And when we join God in what He is already moving and doing in our life, it is way better than we can even ask or think...Ephesians 3:20.

And this is not about a matter of lacking faith either. It takes as much faith to hear a No from God as it does a Yes. More so in fact because we mostly want to hear a yes. But either way the enemy is trying to thwart God's plans in our life. Satan will lie to you saying of course God wants this for you, why wouldn't He? but God does not call us to places of bondage. Ever.

SO to remain in His obedience and perfect plan, we must hear from Him. And what do we do if we do not hear? We wait. Yes, that's right. Sometimes He makes us wait. I personally know it is during the waiting times in my life that I have drawn into greater intimacy with the Lord. As the Lord revealed this to me He said, Kristen I love the waiting times with you, I love you pressing into Me, so close, waiting your every move for my word, this is how I am growing you Kristen.

I have a dear friend that just went to Israel for the 1st time and LOVED it! She tells me that I will get to go in God's right appointed time for me. I love her for that! I do not feel I am missing out on anything God has for me because I walk with the Lord and He instructs me what to do, where to go, how to spend my money.

And He has provided for everything in my life. Everything. And when I make a mistake, He lets me know and yet I still have the consequences of my actions and some of those have taken time to walk through. Lessons learned.

Does God perform amazing miracles and powerfully supply all our needs? Absolutley. Will He provide for all of our wants and desires? Not necessarily. A wise steward will not put to test the latter. Come to Him on His terms, not your own. Lay down your personal rights and you will be joyfully led by Him, what ever that may look like and where ever.

A good resource: for making wise financial decisions, Dave Ramsey.

Blessings!

The BBQ-Healing Ministry?

When we came to Corvallis almost 12 years ago, Lionel and I were displaced Pastors.

We had been on staff full time at churches and were a little worn, burned out, chewed up, and bitter. I remember thinking when I moved here, I really do not want one single Christian friend. We started attending Calvary Corvallis our second Sunday in town and we liked the teaching and worship right away. But we had a goal every Sunday- get in and get out. As fast as we could. We would leave during the last song so we could quickly get through the children's ministry. We wanted to remain under the radar. So we did.

A little over a year attending Calvary we were healing, the good hearty Wordwas filling us and refreshing us and the worship was renewing our spirits little by little but something was missing. We did not know anyone and we were not serving. We actually discussed going to a smaller church.

One day our son Jeremiah with all his 9 year old wisdom said "Dad, we were closer to God when we were serving him."

Those words pierced out hearts.

We had been doing our parental "duty" keeping them in church regularly. But our children SO knew the difference. They had seen the passion in us as we ministered to teens, spoke at the nursing homes, evangelized our communities, planned with joy events, retreats, went to summer camps, they had lived it with us and they could tell, something was missing.
We were not ready to rush into the throws of full ministry however and no one knew us. So we joined the Barbeque ministry. This was the best thing for us. We could do it as a family. It was seasonal. It was not every week and we would get to meet a ton of people.

The very first meeting Gene Stokes was sharing his heart for the ministry and the laborers and he said "please feel free to let us know if you need a break or are getting burned out, we don't want anyone here serving and feeling that way." Lionel and I were shocked and encouraged by those words. It was so loving and so caring.

We left there pleased and dazed. We had just come from churches where you were back sliding if you stepped away from a ministry. We had recently been told we must not care about our kids souls if we were no longer in a particular denomination. And now we have permission to step away from flipping burgers? Really?

God began to unravel some things in us that day. He began to undo some of the hurts and poor into us His healthy heart for ministry and serving and fellowship and body life.

And the BBQ ministry was SO fun. We loved getting together with these people and going on Sundays and having people know our names and us theirs. It was a good beginning to build relationships, to begin serving again, and to heal.

No scheme of man...

This line is stuck in my head for a few reasons.

Yesterday I was sinking in disappointment. Not good. The thing is I know how to battle the enemy. I am practiced at isolating thoughts, taking them captive and spitting them out while at the same time flooding my mind with truth. I am very disciplined in careful self dialogue and inner chatter. I really am.

But yesterday there were layers of disappointment. It was a mound. I felt grief for my kids, rejection and disappointment over scenarios in their life, I felt disappointment from my husband which was not his fault but still very present. I felt disappointment from the Lord, ultimately that is where it all stemmed from. Did you let me down God?
And my usual efforts were not enough. Maybe I was tired, drained, emotional, etc. I soaked in the word, worshiped, listened to messages, read my books, journaled, prayed. Nothing was breaking through.

About 10:45 last night I had a conversation with a dear friend and told her she needed rest. Wait, what? I needed rest. It was late. I was tired and my heart had been feeling hurt all day. At this point the only thing that was going to set my heart straight was rest.

I went to bed and prayed then slept.

This morning I woke refreshed with a heart at peace. Not sure that any thing had changed, but I had changed. My heart was well and as my body and mind had rested, my spirit was renewed by God. Yeah, He does that, while we sleep sometimes especially when we ask Him too.

None of my own plans or schemes were working. None of my families either as their circumstance are all in Gods control.

And today God intervened in some mighty ways on LJ's behalf, getting him through some difficult things. Once again showing him that only He God can put him LJ in the places he is going.

Thank you Lord that you can bear my disappointments, refresh my hurting heart, and you still work and move even when I do not believe you are.

Whats For Dinner? CAKE!!!

I recently have found a new obsession. Cake.

Not eating it mind you, though I do love to eat cake. But making them! It all started with the Cake Boss. We have netflix and i look for fun clean shows to watch while cleaning, doing little projects, scrapbooking, etc. Well I started watching Buddy and the gang on this show and I was hooked. I had to try Fondant! It was just killing me.

Well my girl was having her 18th birthday party and it was going to be kind of a big deal to me and Lionel. Because we kind of make a big deal out of her, please do not scold us. Anyways, I did not want to just dive right in and make hers first so I decided a test cake was in order! But first I researched the web.

Love youtube for how-to's and what not to's. I ordered from Amazon, the cheapest tools in the world by the way, Amazon rocks! And there I was all set to do my first cake. Oh it was SO exciting. I think it was combining my love for art and design with my love for food that really sent me over the top. Anyways I started in layers. Bake the cakes. Get them in the fridge chilling a few days. Make home made frosting and then get the cakes out, level them, dirty ice them(crumb ice). Then chill a few more hours, then ice again, chill a few more hours. I could hardly wait to roll out the Fondant!

I got all set up and proceeded to follow each step to the letter. And in less time than I would have guessed, it was a thing of beauty!

Love at first fondant! And that's all it took. that first cake, now I am addicted to cake sites, recipes, styles, and practicing for any reason at all!

Next I will show my most recent cakereations!

Joy. Comes. Full. Circle.

The sand on my feet. The breeze off the water. The smell of wet clothes, hair and sand wafting. The sounds of God's children singing, praying, crying, and rejoicing. The stirring of Jesus in hearts. Tears streaming down my face. This is the flavor of baptism.Hand and hand believers rush to the waterside with obedience in their hearts and a yes on their face. Loved one bringing loved one to the place of not just knowing Jesus but following Jesus. Ministers there greet, hug, shake hands, strengthen, and serve the brethren in this first step of faith.

I look on as I am overwhelmed by the number of Gods people in full surrender. Yet my heart is full for another reason, a mother's heart spilling over. God is faithful. And He has come thru yet again.

The sight of inexpressible and yet uncontainable joy beaming from my sons face. In the rays of the sunlight reflecting off the water LJ shines brighter for the purity and freedom of the love of Jesus that flows from him.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL Calvary Baptism 4/30/11

Redeemed, restored, renewed.

LJ ministers baptism over and over as the waves break over his knees and the wind carries the sent of salt, he prays and cries and loves strangers now turned friends, brethren, family.

A vision of a few years previous. Much the same circumstance, middle school-ers coming forward, one at a time, LJ's face beaming with joy, the last time I saw him that happy. The last time I saw joy in his eyes and sincere love flowing easily from his face.

Lake Bradley Middle School Camp 8/2008

Now he stands, not stained, not burdened, not shamed, not bitter, but free. In Joy, that has come as God promised on this morning as light has dawned in this end of a darkened sason for him and joy has come on this baptism morning. Full. Circle.

Jesus, thank you.

Some Lentil Love!

What's for dinner? Morrocan Lentil Stew.

(how much do I love my iphone Hipstamatic? Tons!)

Oh so excited about this meal! This is about to become one of my all time favorites. The simplicity is that it's 15 minutes of prep, cooks all day in the crock pot and you come home to the most glorious smells wafting through the house greeting you at the door. I was seriously drooling by the time I got to the pot to stir and check the meat, AH! So perfect.

Ok here is the recipe which is a mox of several I have seen and please feel free to embellish, I did!

1 bag green lentils (there are different colors)
1 small roast or bone/hamhock (I love a small roast, beef, lamp, pork, etc.)
2 or 3 chopped carrots
1/2 chopped onion (I like purple but use your fav)
2 cans diced or whole tomato
1/2 a head of garlic pressed or tons of garlic powder
1 tbls basil or Italian seasoning
1 tsp dried parsely
1 tbls salt
1 tbls black pepper (yes a lot)
1 tbls chili powder
1 tsp cummin
1 tsp thyme
1/2 c Worcestershire sauce
1/4 c lemon juice
1 can chicken broth
3 cans water

Ok, so these measurements on the spices are give and take. I am not an exact measure-er type of person, so be sensible and omit what you do not like. Also red potatoes are good in this, I was out. If you want it more like a soup, add more water. Rice wine vinegar would be good instead of the Worcestershire as well. Rinse and sort the lentils like the bag says but no pre-soaking. Brown your roast if you use roast, then throw it all in the crock pot, cook on low for 10 hours, not kidding.

We ate it with rice crackers to keep it gluten free and a garnish of Mediterranean hummus. Yummy.

Bon Appetit!